Losing Sleep
by Y St. Ace
Summary: KotOR II: Written for the character death challenge, Atton wonders if he's getting soft.


Losing Sleep

Goto's ship was space dust and the Exile was on the brink of negotiating a fuel source for Citadel Station. Therest of the crew were out getting supplies before they went on their next wild gizka chase for lost Jedi, so the Ebon Hawkwas pretty much empty. Only the droids were onboard and Atton had told them to guard the place. For what seemed like the first time in days, he was going to catch honest, horizontal, under the sheets sleep.

Or he thought he was until Mira walked into the dorm.

"Thanks for knocking."

"Sorry." She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms, looking thoughtful. "It's just that Brianna ran me through what happened to you while I was busting out of the tunnels."

"Concerned?"

"Impressed," she said, locking the door behind her. He thought things were going to get pleasantly interesting until she trained her wrist launcher on him.

"Very funny."

He started to roll over but her finger grazed the trigger as she said, "No joke. You'll be a smear on the wall before you get your blaster out from under your pillow."

Every credit he'd owed, every minor crime lord or gang he'd pissed off flashed through his head. It was a long list.

"You are going to tell me what really happened in the cantina." He started to protest, but Mira restated firmly. "I want to hear your version. I've heard it's the best."

He had no idea where the crazy red-head was going with this. He tried to look very serious and completely sincere when he described the fight at the cantina. When he finished, Mira's face was unreadable.

"And they were dead when you left them."

"Well yeah." Her finger moved slightly and he quickly added, "There was blood and they weren't moving. I didn't check their pulses, if that's what you mean. I wanted to come back - "

"And warn everyone about the bounty hunter truce being over. Convenient."

"That's not what I would have called it, but hey, you're holding the blaster."

Mira looked at him coolly. "The Twin Suns were alive when you left them. I know because they tried to kill us."

"What? Just now?" he said.

He didn't know what look crossed his face, but it seemed to appease her. She lowered her arm slowly. "On Goto's barge."

"Are you sure they weren't - " Her hand went to her wrist. "Okay, you're sure, you're sure."

"I don't like surprises." Mira stared at him once more and then unlocked the door. She stepped into the hallway. "And I don't like cleaning up after people."

"Then you're in the wrong line of work," he muttered, rolling over as she left.

An hour later and he was still staring at the wall, going over every move he had made.

He hadn't been aiming for their heads, but that was because torso shots were easier when diving and dodging certain vibro-death. He hadn't used any frag or plasma grenades because there were other people in the bar. But he was certain he hadn't been holding back. They were trying to kill him and he'd done his best to return the favor.

Hadn't he? How could they have still been alive when he'd ran out that door?

He turned on his back, ran his fingers through his hair. He wasn't going soft. He couldn't be. The reason he was on this ship was because he was a killer - a useful killer. If the witch found out that he couldn't even do that, what was going to keep her from spilling his secret?

He considered going to the Exile - and saying what? He ran how that would go through his head.

"I heard the Twin Suns showed up again. Sorry I didn't kill them well enough the first time."

He imagined every possible reaction the Jedi would have. Confusion, maybe, sympathy, possibly, but the one he couldn't imagine was the man being angry at his inability to kill. Never mind his Master, death never seemed like the Exile's definition of a job well done and that realization emboldened him.

He gave up on sleep when he heard the other crewmembers coming on board. As Atton put his shirt back on, he realized it was the first time he'd lain awake because of _not_ killing someone.

He decided it was one of the better reasons for missing sleep.

* * *

Author Notes: Also for the character death challenge, I was disappointed that there was never a cut-scene addressing why the Twin Suns made it to the barge after Atton had supposedly dealt with them in the cantina. 


End file.
